Parental Alienation Syndrome

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is just that: a syndrome. It's not a diagnosis for a mental disorder, nor is it agreed upon in the mental health professional community at large. In fact, there are still debates occuring over the existence of parental alienation syndrome or not. We'll let the best researchers continue to work that out. In the meantime, let's focus on what can be addressed, documented, supported by research, and utilized effectively in a child custody dispute.

Another way to look at parental alienation syndrome is simply to look at the behaviors that are associated with the phenomenon. Simply, a child portrays one parent as "all good" and the other as "all bad". That is at an extreme, and sometimes words like "best" and "worst", or "favorite" are interchanged. This is an example of what an alienated child shows.

What matters most when this happens, is how the child is formulating this idea. Are they being told that daddy is bad? Are they being coached to believe that mommy is mean? This is how alienating children occurs, and what can soon be documented are alienating behaviors and alienating verbalizations by the children which emerge spontaneously.

Parental alienation syndrome is a big problem because it sabotages a parenting plan or child custody visitation arrangements. Remember, when it's possible, it's in the best interests of the child for a child to have both parents in their life. So, if one parent is instigating alienating behaviors in the child, this is going to be very unfavorable when it comes time to look at custody and visitation.

Like most problems in child custody, you have to deal with alienation problems at first by documenting, documenting, documenting. Ideally, this is a phenomenon that should be noticed, documented, and written about in a custody evaluation to professoinally correct it.

What can you do?

The best way to deal with this is counterintuitively. You cannot force a belief upon your child. In other words, you can't try to directly correct the situation. You have to take the path of least resistance, which is to NOT challenge the other parent's assertion, but simply play a balanced role, continuing to offer your best to the child and supporting thier interests. Gradually, and perhaps with professional help, they will find a balance again in your relationship.

If you buy into the alientation and end up arguing with the other parent, it will probably be turned against you with statements like, "See. Daddy always fights wtih mommy" or "Mommy always says mean things to daddy". This gets you nowhere! Avoid engaging and get professional help for dealing with alienating behaviors.