Parental Alienation SyndromeParental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is just that: a syndrome. It's not a diagnosis for a mental disorder, nor is it agreed upon in the mental health professional community at large. In fact, there are still debates occurring over the existence of parental alienation syndrome.. We'll let the best researchers continue to work that out. In the meantime, we will focus on what can be addressed, documented, supported by research and utilized effectively in a child custody dispute. Another way to look at parental alienation syndrome is to look at the behaviors that are associated with the phenomenon. A simple example of an alienated child's behavior: a child portrays one parent as "all good" and the other as "all bad". That is at an extreme, and sometimes words like "best" and "worst", or "favorite" are interchanged. This is an example of what an alienated child shows.
What matters most when this happens is how the child is formulating this idea. Are they being told that daddy is bad? Are they being coached to believe that mommy is mean? This is how child alienation occurs and, soon, spontaneously emerging alienating behaviors and alienating verbalizations can be documented. Parental alienation syndrome is a big problem because it sabotages a parenting plan or child custody visitation arrangements. Remember: when it is possible, it is in the best interests of the child to have both parents in its life. So, if one parent is instigating alienating behaviors in the child, this will be very unfavorable for the custody and visitation rulings. Like most problems in child custody, you have to deal with alienation problems at first by documenting, documenting, documenting. Ideally, this is a phenomenon that should be noticed, documented and written about in a custody evaluation to professionally correct it. What can you do? The best way to deal with this is counter-intuitively. You cannot force a belief upon your child. In other words, you cannot try to directly correct the situation. You have to take the path of least resistance, which is to NOT challenge the other parent's assertion, but simply to play a balanced role. Continue to offer your best to the child and support its interests. Gradually, and perhaps with professional help, it will find a balance again in your relationship. If you get involved in the alienation and end up arguing with the other parent, it will probably be turned against you with statements like, "See, Daddy always fights with mommy" or "Mommy always says mean things to daddy". This does not achieve anything. Avoid engaging in alienation and get professional help to deal with alienating behaviors.
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