CO-PARENTINGCooperative-Parenting is just what it sounds like. It is the parents' ability to cooperate with each other about the many parenting responsibilities, tasks, routines and post-divorce changes. Co-parenting is not easy. It is likely that if you are reading this page you are experiencing difficulty in this area. Assuming that you have already attempted the obvious steps of not being defensive, using good communication and being flexible, here are some possible interventions. 
Problems with Co-parenting can be addressed in several ways. Some states have parent-coordinators formally recognized by the court (Massachusetts/California), whose primary task is to assist couples in parenting their children in a peaceful manner after a divorce. Parent-Coordinators usually have some level of decision making authority when parents cannot agree on a particular matter. Co-parenting treatment involves one or more therapists who help parents make decisions that are good for their children. Assisting parents with positive communication, no-conflict styles of sharing information, and supporting the children's relationship with both parents are common objectives. Although you may already be working with a family therapist, or your child may be working with an individual therapist, these professionals may not have the experience or training to effectively deal with your divorce and the unique challenges that it brings. Court-involved treatment is very unique, and requires planning at the onset that determines if the treatment is court-ordered, agreed-upon by both parents, and if the treatment information can be shared with the court. Co-parenting usually involves regular weekly (or twice weekly in the beginning) one to two hour meetings to discuss with both parents the issues of disagreement. It is also common for e-mail and phone communication between the therapist and parents in-between face-to-face sessions. It is the co-parenting therapist's role to help identify a plan that promotes the outcome of healthy co-parenting. These co-parenting solutions usually require compromise on both sides, unless one person is being completely unreasonable. A solution may include using scheduling software that, for instance, organizes the childrens' schedules and logs communication between the parents. This allows both parents to communicate and that may be all that is needed to reach a solution. A key component of co-parenting treatment is to learn how to communicate effectively. Initially most parents need to learn how to communicate in a 'business-like' manner, that emulates calmness, courtesy, respect, and diplomacy. Sessions teaching and emphasizing these skills are common. Often post-divorce matters takes a change in course when there is a new marriage or a new girlfriend or boyfriend in the picture. Cooperative parenting can take a sharp downturn due to these kinds of family changes, or changes in the previously established routines. Change is not easy, and working with a professional can help through this and similar transitions. |