CHILD CUSTODY COACHING

What is child custody coaching?

First, let me say that everyone with whom I work basically is facing either a serious problem or a serious conflict in their divorce and the pending child custody dispute. Here are some examples of cases I have worked on:

Relocation attempts by a parent
Parental Alienation concerns
Parent with a mental illness
Parent with an alcohol or drug problem
Domestic violence or psychological abuse
False allegations of abuse
Unreasonable expectations by one parent
Parents afraid of trial

The common thread in these and many other circumstances is that it becomes impossible to communicate.

1) Help parents see through the conflicts and correctly assess the problems;
2) Strategize about how to overcome the problems and conflict without increasing them;
3) Assist parents in responding appropriately and provide solutions for complex situations;
4) Restore balance to the family when possible;
5) Focus all of the above on the best interests of the child.

I personally like to utilize a coaching and team approach. I work with the parent, often their attorney, and sometimes the guardian ad litem (GAL).

Phase I

The first step of coaching is accomplished through a meeting or conversation. This is an information-gathering session. We outline your concerns and issues, I analyze them, and we pin-point specific problem areas and establish a strategy for dealing with each of them.

Phase II

The next step is introducing and monitoring the interventions. We accomplish this mostly through e-mail correspondence, some telephone conferences and usually a lot of time in between. In the beginning, I commonly have several brief telephone or e-mail conversations, but that tends to drop dramatically after the first month--unless matters get worse. We work together consistently until all of the issues have been resolved.

Phase III

The final step is resolution, which either comes peacefully through a settlement, or aggressively through a trial. For peaceful endings, my work with clients ends here. For trial clients, we enter a new kind of work called trial preparation. Here are brief outlines of a number of interventions for trial preparation:

Witness Preparation No-one likes to be on the witness stand. Therefore, we rehearse using a technique called inoculation. The basic premise of inoculation is as follows: if you are exposed to something you are afraid of again and again, then it loses its threat. By rehearsing questions, touching on emotional topics and responses, you as a parent learn to tolerate the experience of being on the witness stand and are able to tell your side of the story effectively.

Deposition & Cross-Examination Preparation This work is mainly orchestrated through my involvement with your attorney. It is likely that a fair number of witnesses are going to be called upon. Some to testify in your favor and some to testify against you. At least, that's the way it comes across. Through deposition and cross-examination preparation, I assist your attorney by drafting questions that can tip the scale in your favor.

For example, if the custody evaluation was done poorly or unfavorable, we can address that issue with some very strong questions. If a therapist is testifying who came to inappropriate conclusions, we can also address that effectively. I think you get the picture, but trials are very nasty and it takes an all-out effort for results. I have been told by counsel that this is one of my most valuable and useful skill sets.